I’m referring to the ‘past’ although not as you would think, with so many quotes and posts over the internet making it sound like a simple process. Well, I’m writing this post for people like myself that don’t see it as such an effortless matter. Often being referred to as merely; ‘realize what you’re doing, and just stop’. When these situations in the past are involving people very ‘near and dear’ to you, it is not that straightforward nor uncomplicated. Also those quotes about ‘leaving people behind / forever’ seems to be pertaining to mere acquaintances and they aren’t good enough to ‘be in’ your life; therefore ‘get them out of your life’ per se. So this is certainly not an option for my situation usually good friends are not that easy to find, not forgetting that everyone has been brought up differently, so a little ‘bending’ like the Lao Tzu quote below is necessary.
This is a nice quote which is leaning more towards my feeling about ‘letting go’ for example: “In the end, only three things matter: how much you have loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you”. Until a better time arises.. 🙂 of course. Another form of the quote: “In the end these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go? Just keep in mind, in my point of view; it’s also not important ‘how fast you let go’.. Often times the reason it takes so long, is that person is extremely important to you”.
Recently I had found out something, after years of ‘skirting’ around an issue for fear of an argument, in which once again we won’t speak for a while. I was able to bring up a situation with the ‘said person in my life’… and it finally came to light that she honestly saw no wrong in her actions!! Well, believe it or not, this actually has helped me. Therefore, I’m sharing my thoughts on the angle of never give up on something that has somewhat ‘planted itself’ in your memory… seemingly forever. If ever a situation comes along to bring up the ‘situation’ that is niggling you (even perhaps for years on end) keep trying, if like my situation they ‘keep blowing up’ at you when you try and discuss the situation, leave it for a time when they are going to actually ‘talk it through’ with you… Mind you I only really tried it 3 or so times in the last four years with her. Not an option to leave her out of my life, as she’s a good friend, also as my mother use to say: “Don’t let the sun go down with an unresolved argument”… I’ll just add ‘forever’ at the end 🙂 As ignoring a situation, does not make it go away.
Interpretation doesn’t help you allow you to change events; nothing does.. There’s been many a time that I’ve thought something through, time and again and still refuses to surface why I ‘chose’ a certain ‘path’ for example..
However, it does give you the freedom to choose how much importance you attach which events in your life. It is easy to confuse interpretations with information, We tend to ‘register’ some of information and ignore some at the same time.. it seems, there we lose sight of how we came to various conclusions along the way.. because we often do not give enough ‘thought to our thinking’ process itself.
We watch, take in information, summarize and select what we choose to remember based on various assumptions, facts out of that summary. It’s refreshing to think we can be more ‘selective’ with this process. Many of us forget that it is an unconscious expression, also easily made to become a ‘conscious’ one. To clarify situations in ones life, it often helps to clarify therefore changing the way we interpret.
If we thought about each inference we made, life would pass us by. Our intuitive reasoning is invaluable. People can and do reach different conclusions, even when they are working from the same pool of ‘info’.. assumptions verse fact are often misconstrued. If you view your conclusions as obvious, no one sees a need to describe how they got there. With highly intuitive people, they rarely know, unless questioned closely..
If you become more aware of where your reasoning comes from, you become more aware of how important it is to your own thinking in the future. Which will help in the long run, with how one makes choices in life. Smaller situations you’ll be looking more at factual points of the different situations and the conclusions, will hopefully feel more ‘concrete’. As it will allow you to see what impacts on you and what you may have missed…
“The keys to the future lie hidden in plain sight because we are blinded by the glare of the present, by what paleontologists call ‘the tyranny of the near past’ and by other factors that contribute to the distorting lens of attitudes and biases that mediate our perceptions of the world” ~ Don Michael
Being flexible with the information comes from appreciating that no single event or person is totally responsible for your feelings. Neither is one cause at the root of anything. In that light, try looking at what we have considered important moments in your life and what makes them important. It’s a good place to start. Both the strong and vulnerable sides of you in the situation.. Things that linked the aspects of the situation with parts of your character, don’t let us forget the underlying filters that we all have ‘in~built’ and now has to compensate for them by somewhat ‘studying’ them. Things that we must ‘expose’ our true feelings rather than our ‘strategies’ for hiding our feelings. This is the hardest part as over time integral defensive patterns come out as they are so ingrained in our system; that we believe them to be ‘us’…
Taking a critique of your emotions is a crucial part of making a fresh start in your choice / decision making. This has all been something I am working on right now in my life… My next posting will be a lot ‘lighter’ I think.. *laughs*